Friday, January 28, 2011

A White Sports Coat and a Pink Carnation

Carnation from Gift Shopping with Crochet, 1942

“Crochet your own Bouquet!” exhorts the pattern book. Words to live by, now more than ever. After all, in these modern times you can’t rely on your date providing the all important corsage for the prom. So, start crocheting your fake flower now, or risk utter humiliation on the most important night of your high school life!

Oh yes it is – Disney wouldn’t lie to me.

What’s that? True, it’s the middle of winter, and the local news just issued a frostbite warning, but it’s never too early to get ready for Prom 2011. Spring is just around the corner, and soon there will be slim pickings for the all important Pink Hummer Stretch Limos!

Yes, this particular carnation looks all grey and blobby, when everyone knows that 2011 prom dresses are supposed to be eye-bleeding shades of painful pink and berserker blue. Don’t let the vintage black-and-white photography mislead you. I’m certain that your crocheted carnation in violent violet will take no prisoners – I mean, make you the belle of the ball.

For the complete pattern (and an actual crocheted carnation!):



CLARK’S O.N.T. “BRILLIANT,” 3 balls.
Steel crochet hook No. 10.
A piece of heavy flower wire, 18 inches long.
Artificial carnation leaves and calyx.
Green rubberized tape.
Even if you’re too old to plan for the prom, there’s no reason why you can’t whip up a few carnations and enjoy springtime in your home all year round. Or, if you’re feeling really inspired, you could share your spring fever with your neighbours.

Because nothing brightens up a grim industrial wasteland like crocheted flowers clinging to a chain link fence!
Starting at base of carnation, ch 5. Join with sl st to form ring. 1st rnd: Ch 3, 13 dc in ring. Join with sl st in top st of ch-3. 2nd and 3rd rnds: Ch 3, dc in each dc around. Join. 4th rnd: Ch 4, * dc in next dc, ch 1. Repeat from * around. Join.

Hmm... At this point in the project, I’m not seeing “carnation” so much as “carnal”.

But I am sure this craft will look a lot less like a naughty female body part and more like a delicate flower once I’ve finished a few more rounds.
5th to 9th rnds incl: Ch 4, * dc in next sp, ch 1, dc in next dc, ch 1. Repeat from * around. Join. 10th rnd: * Sc in next sp, ch 3, in next sp make 6 tr with p’s between - to make a p, ch 3, sc in 3rd ch from hook; ch 3. Repeat from * around. Sl st in 1st sc made. Fasten off.
The pattern’s almost complete, and I can hardly contain my excitement! I just know I’m going to end up with a flower just like these gorgeous crocheted carnations discovered at a garage sale.

FINISHING . . . Fasten heavy wire securely to base of carnation. Slip calyx onto stem and push up close to petals, having slipped base inside calyx. Wind stem with rubberized tape, inserting leaves at desired intervals.
I thought about going the whole nine yards and buying florist wire and a plastic calyx, but the end result was so disappointing that I just stuck a pipe cleaner into the crocheted carnation and called it done.

How disappointing, you ask?

On the up side, it doesn’t look anything like a crocheted nipple.

On the down side, it does look like a human brain on a stick.

Still, who’s to say that’s a bad thing? The brain above was crocheted out of discarded plastic bags which means it’s Green in more ways than one!

So to heck with brightening up the neighbourhood with flowers. I vote we crochet up a ton of these brainy carnations and scatter them around instead. And if you’re feeling really ambitious, make some of these scientifically accurate fabric brains too.

It’s never too early to start planning for the 2011 Zombie Block Party!

Click here for the printable pattern.


  1. LOVE this. I want my own crocheted brain...
    I remember going to a Womyn's Art Fair a few years back where they were selling papier mache uteruses that you could fill with goodies like a pinata and hit with an appropriate stick. There were some for "becoming a woman" , some for menopause, some for pregnancy. I can't see how helpful hitting a uterus with a stick would be (well, maybe once a month) but the idea was odd enough to stick in my head.

  2. Papier Mache Uterus! Awesome!

    It's a pity my daughter is a little too old for a "becoming a woman" party. This raises the bar to completely new levels of awfulness. Yes, sweetie, every month we hit you in the uterus with a stick and candy comes out. ;-)

    Thanks for the link!