Ah, the sweater girl! What could be sexier? The phrase brings to mind Lana Turner breaking the hearts of all seven of her husbands in her sultry knits. Or Jane Russell’s famous bust bursting at the seams of a sweater that didn’t keep her warm, but sure heated up the fellas!
And then there’s this poor woman...
Eloise couldn’t help thinking that there must be a better way for an attractive single spinster to snare a man than outfitting herself in a stag-festooned sweater. True, time was running out as she was no longer a spring chicken, but dressing up as Date Bait smacked of desperation.
All evening she’d heard nothing but one joke after another about “going stag” and having a “sizeable rack”. She spent hours into knitting this sweater, and was it worth it? Sure, the menfolk are paying attention to her, but they weren’t buying her drinks.
And God, she needed a drink!
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
The Date Bait sweater comes in a range of sizes, but it’s best to err on the side of too small. Saggy, baggy sweaters will not transform you into tasty man-bait!
Click on the graph to see it larger.DAIT BAIT – No. 1270 – Size 34
Yes, that’s what it says in the book: “Dait Bait”. Newlands couldn’t be bothered editing this page, because any woman desperate enough to label herself “Date Bait” wasn’t going to complain if she suddenly morphed into a typo.MATERIALS REQUIRED: 8 oz. light rose, 5 yds. navy 3 ply Dawn Glo Yarn, 2 No. 10 needles, 2 No. 11 needles, set of 4 No. 11 needles.
Whatever it takes to get a man!
Tension: 8 sts – 1 inch. 10 rows – 1 inch (No. 10 needles).
PATTERN: Stocking stitch – Duplicate stitch.
Neck: Using set of No. 11 needles, starting at neck edge, left shoulder, pick up 14 sts. K 36 sts from stitch holder in front, pick up 14 sts right neck edge, K 52 sts from back st. holder (116 sts). Rib K1, P1, for 1’’. Bind off loosely in ribbing.
All done! Now slip it on and set your sight on the nearest eligible
stagman. Remember, there’s nothing like a hand-knitted sweater to scream “marry me!” at every male in the room.
Once you’ve got a member of the opposite sex on your hook, land him as soon as possible by knitting him a matching sweater of his own. Not only will the whole world know that you now own him, your hand knit sweater is guaranteed to keep him by your side forever.
What do you mean there should be more to the Date Bait pattern? Go look at the graph!
Sheesh, no wonder you’re still single.
Click here for the printable pattern.