Thursday, October 28, 2010

Definitely Not a Treat

Trick or Treat Pumpkin from Crochet World Omnibook, Fall 1980

Longtime readers will recognize the squished jack o’ lantern on the far left as the Pumpkin of Halloween Past, Crocheted Jack o’ Lantern version 1.0 AKA Ms. Mushy. This year, we’ll be making the pumpkin in the middle, a crochet craft based on the legend of Stringy Jack!

Who’s that? C’mon, everybody knows about Stringy Jack. He was the first Irish basketball player whose long appendages and ability to dribble a carved turnip made that sport the third most popular in Ireland.

What do you mean it’s the legend of Stingy Jack? Don’t be ridiculous, why would an immortal Irishman with a turnip fetish need such long arms and legs? And just try to explain the existence of this photo without the legend of Stringy Jack!

Although, I suspect this is the love child of Stringy Jack and Ms. Mushy. Now, if you don’t believe your crochet skills are up to creating this work of art, don’t despair. This pumpkin treat is on sale now!**

As for the pumpkin on the far right of Ms. Mushy and Mr. Stringy, that’s none other than the Great Pumpkin himself. Of course, I’m not foolish enough to make a graven image of that Pumpkin of Halloween Future. Not after what happened to Linus.

**Handmade by Mother isn’t legally or morally responsible for any trauma caused by dealing with third party sites, including, but not limited to, getting exactly what you paid for.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!)

Grinning not included.
by Dolores Brown

MATERIALS: Plastic pumpkin (about 3-inch size); orange knitting worsted weight yarn; small amount of black yarn; ice pick and yarn needle;
Whoa Dolores – an ice pick?!

First, a bunny boiler, and now a fan of Basic Instinct. It’s shameful how the crafting world has become so morbid!

OMG, who’s the cutest zombie evah!

Ahem. I mean, shameful.
pompon maker (optional);
But the ice pick is not optional!

Then again, I’d kill for a good pompom maker.
size E crochet hook.

SIZE: Measures approx. 6” from top plastic pumpkin to feet.

Make arms and legs of orange yarn; leave about 8 inches of yarn at beginning and end.

ARMS: (Make 2.) With orange, chain 40. Make 3 dc in 3rd ch from hook and in each ch to end of row. End off. Coil and tack ending yarn to hold in place at top, then carry end through top of coil.

LEGS: (Make 2.) With orange, chain 60. Make 3 dc in 3rd ch from hook and in each ch to end of row. Finish off same as arms.

Make 2 holes with ice pick in each side for arms and 4 holes (2 each, near side) in bottom of pumpkin.
Before getting stab happy, you may wish to lay down lots of plastic sheeting to avoid leaving forensic evidence of your crime spree.

Run ends of yarns through holes and tie each arm and leg on inside. Clip excess yarn.

Make 4 small pompons using approximately 2 yds. for each of black yarn and attach to coils for hands and feet. Using 2 strands of black yarn crochet chain length desired and attach to top of pumpkin for handle.

Fill pumpkin with treats for your favorite ghost or goblin.
If I remember my Tolkien correctly, goblins like to eat hobbits. However, as Frodo Fricassee is an illegal dish in most parts of the world, maybe you should just serve up ghost treats.

Warning: eating Boo Berry cereal may result in sugar crashes, marshmallow migraines and Pantone 368 green poo.
If a much larger pumpkin is used the arms and legs could be made as follows:
That’s right, the obesity epidemic has hit pumpkins. And we all know why…

Pumpkin cannibalism!
Using size I crochet hook:
LEGS: (Make 2.) Chain 35.
Row 1: 2 dc in 2nd ch from hook and 3 dc in each st across, ch 2, turn.
Row 2: 3 hdc in each st across. Fasten off and twist to form legs.

ARMS: (Make 2.) Chain 19. Work same as legs.
Make medium-sized pompons for hands and feet.

Dolores, a “happily married housewife”…
Oh dear, those quotation marks around happily married housewife are troubling, given Dolores’ belief in mandatory ice picks. I hope for her husband’s sake that he never forgot their anniversary or her birthday.
…has three grown sons – one married, the other two still at home.
Oh ho, two failures to launch still mooching off Mom. Maybe the ice pick wasn’t to keep hubby in line, after all.

You’ll be doing your own laundry from now on, buckos!
She said that crochet is her favorite form of relaxation, but also enjoys needlepoint, counted cross-stitch, latch hook and a little quilting.
And don’t forget more than a little ice picking.
She is now learning how to tat.
But not with an ice pick. Dolores has since moved on to bigger and better weapons crafts.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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