Thursday, November 26, 2009

Join the "Hot Rolls" Sexual Revolution!


DOLL “HOT ROLLS” COZY from Crochet Gifts and Bazaar Novelties, 1953.

That’s right, I said sexual revolution! Because this post isn’t just the second part of the pretty in pink DOLL “HOT ROLLS” COZY pattern, it’s a call for radical crocheting action.

Let’s face it gals, American Thanksgiving has been all about the men for way too long. While women slave all day in the kitchen, men have been free to enjoy their macho man sports of football, hunting and turkey racing. Even the traditional meals women are expected to cook only serve to further oppress them. Generations of women have been forced to baste TOM turkey, and who knows how many dreams of equality were mashed along with the potatoes? And now your daughters – your future! – are expected to abandon their self-respect and deep fry turkey... erm, let’s call them “crown jewels”.

Well, I say, enough is enough. Girlfriend, this DOLL COZY is your wake up call to take back Thanksgiving! Sure, her ruffled, pink dress and bonny bonnet appear to be more feminine than feminist, but true social change begins with baby steps. First, you’ll reclaim the breadsticks, and eventually the glazed yams, carrots, and all the other phallocentric vegetables will fall into line.

My American sisters, reclaiming Thanksgiving one “HOT ROLLS” COZY at a time will not be easy. But all your crocheting will be worth it when your granddaughters can celebrate this holiday, not in Pilgrim’s Petticoats, but in their Gynocentric Gobble Garb!



For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

DOLL “HOT ROLLS” COZY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7117-B

(Shown on front cover)
In other words, don’t get your hopes up for an eye-popping detail photo like yesterday’s.
MATERIALS — DMC Pearl Cotton, Art. 116D, Size 8: 6 balls Green Ombré No. 101 or any other DMC Ombré color.

7 1/2 inch Doll.
Your dinner guests will appreciate you buying a new Doll rather than chopping four inches off your old Barbie.
Steel Crochet Hook, Size 7.

GAUGE: 10 dc=1 inch
9 dc rows= 2 inches
5 Shell rows=2 inches
I recommend just picking up a dollar store doll. Sure, she probably dreamed of one day being a favourite toy, but there are far worse fates than being a “Hot Rolls” Cozy for Dolls on the D-List!
*=STAR Abbreviations, see page 23

DOLL—BODICE—Ch 14, 1 dc in 4th ch from hook, 1 dc in each of 10 chs.

Rows 2 to 5—Ch 3 (=1 dc), turn, 1 dc in 2nd dc, 1 dc in each of 9 dc, 1 dc in top of ch-3 (12 dc.).

Row 6—Ch 14 (for shoulder strap), turn, 1 dc in 4th ch from hook, 1 dc in each of 10 chs, 1 dc in each of 11 dc, 1 dc in ch-3 (24 dc).

Row 7—Ch 3, turn, 1 dc in 2nd dc, 1 dc in 10 dc. Rpt row 2 twice. Rpt rows 6, 7. Rpt row 2 four times; drop loop from hook, sew end of each shoulder strap to top of 2nd row in from back opening (to form armhole).
Now, you may be asking yourself, why would someone want to add a doll to a “Hot Rolls” cozy anyway? Why it’s because in the good old days you dolled up before you made your Hot Rolls.


Collar—Pick up dropped loop, ch 7, 1 sc in 4th ch from hook, 1 tr around post of last dc made on Bodice, ch 3, sc in top of tr just made (Picot made), [1tr, Picot] around post of same dc, [1 tr, Picot] in each of 12 sts of shoulder, [1 tr, Picot, 1 tr, Picot] around post of 3 dc at neck edge, continue in same way around, fasten off.
Trebling around post? That sounds more like horse racing lingo than crocheting to me. Not that there’s anything wrong with mixing both, especially as Christmas is coming!.
SLEEVES—Working around armhole, [1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc, ch 1] around post of 3 dc at underarm, [1 dc, ch 1] in each of 12 sts of shoulder, join (with sl st) in first dc (18 dc).

Rnd 2—Slip st in first sp, ch 3, 1 dc in each sp around, join (in ch-3).

Rnd 3—Ch 4, [1 dc, ch 1] in every 2nd dc around, join in 3rd ch of ch-4.

Rnd 4—Ch 1, * 1 sc in next dc, ch 3, slip st in last sc made, ch 1; rpt from STAR around, join, fasten off.
Wait just one minute! Why is the pattern editor still using STAR instead of repeating the *? Yesterday, there was the excuse of helping us differentiate between all of the DAGGERs and STARs being thrown around. But this pattern just has STARs!

Just how easily confused does this pattern editor think we are? What’s next, a warning not to get our “Hot Rolls” mixed up with our “Hot Rollers?”


Peblum—Working along lower edge of Bodice, [Shell of 1 sc and 3 dc] around post of end st of each row; end, 1 sc in last st (15 Shells). Ch 4, turn * [2 tr, ch 2, 2 tr] in 3rd dc of next Shell, ch 1, 1 tr in next sc, ch 1; rpt from STAR across, ending with tr, fasten off. Put Bodice on Doll and sew back seam.
A peblum is a short overskirt, to help preserve her modesty. After all, just because this DOLL is HOT and COZY, doesn’t mean she’s a tramp!
SKIRT—Ch 38, join into ring, ch 3, skip joined st, 1 dc in each remaining ch, join.

Rnd 2—Ch 3, turn, skip joined st, 1 dc in each remaining dc, join. Rpt rnd 2 nine times. Fasten off. Run a thread thru first rnd for drawstring around waist.

BONNET—Ch 5, join into ring, ch 3, 17 dc in ring, join.

Rnd 2—Ch 4, skip joined st, 1 dc in next dc, [ch 1, 1 dc] in each of 16 dc, ch 1, join in 3rd ch of ch-4.

Rnd 3—Ch 3, skip joined st, 1 dc in next sp, *1 dc in next dc, 1 dc in next sp; rpt from STAR around, join (36 dc). Ch 4, turn, skip joined st, 1 dc in next dc, [ch 1, 1 dc] in each of 28 dc.

Rows 2, 3, 4—Ch 4, turn, 1 dc in first sp, [ch 1, 1 dc] in each remaining sp.
No, you are not imagining the sudden switch from Rounds to Rows. And yes, it would have been considerate of the editor to provide a Row 1, instead of burying the changeover in the middle of the Rnd 3 instructions. But relying on the kindness of strangers isn’t what Thanksgiving is all about, now is it?

Hang on...

Never mind.

Row 5—Ch 1, turn, 1 sc in first sp, * skip 1 sp, 9 dc in next sp, skip 1 sp, 1 sc in next sp; rpt from STAR across, fasten off. Run narrow ribbon thru 3rd row, tie a bow.

COSY—Work to end of “Hot Rolls” Cosy No. 7117-A only do not tack the marked Shells of last rnd of Inner Circle together,
Oops, I hope no one followed the instructions from yesterday and tacked all those Shells together.

Oh well, if you did, I guess you’ll just have to start over.

tack the marked Shells to Doll at waistline as shown.
As shown? As far as I can tell, the DOLL was just stuffed into the middle of the COZY. No doubt, her feet broke every breadstick and crushed every Kaiser in the process.

Oh well, if your kids start whining that “Mommy’s crocheting has ruined Thanksgiving!”, just remind them that many North Americans aren’t lucky enough to have a DOLL “HOT ROLL” COZY to add to their list of things to be thankful for.

If that doesn’t work, just threaten to make another one for Christmas.

Click here for the printable pattern.

2 comments:

  1. that short film is hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think RomeoRhino's "Fun with Shorts" are brilliant - definitely the best way to watch these old films! I've got another embedded at the end of this post:

    http://handmadebymother.blogspot.com/2009/09/be-ashamed-be-very-ashamed.html

    ReplyDelete